Summer Regrets.

(I began this post weeks ago and like usual, I didn't finish it... But today I will).

I have a couple days of my summer holidays left before returning to university for my final year. A really important year... These past months should’ve been used to prepare for it and instead, I have only gained a list of regrets and a painting I like. Sigh.

My main one is not putting myself out there and interacting with other artists and like-minded people, making contacts and such. I may have exhibited a couple of time at The Freudian Sheep and revisited the place too, but I spoke to no one about art. You would have thought that I would have overcome this, I mean, I have been making art for a few years now and it still scares me.

I definitely don’t know as much as I should about the subject. I am one of those people who likes what they like and knows if they don’t like a piece; whether it is because of a colour, or a shape, or even just the way the paint looks on the surface. I’m not into that arty farty-ness where a splash of colour must represent war and a line clearly signifies peace trying to pull through. Theories and reasons are often tried to be pushed on to our practical work at university, that’s not for me.

Last year I painted elephant skulls simply because I visited a museum and saw one, I found it beautiful and I wanted to recreate the image in paint. There was no hidden meaning behind the elephant skull, or for why I used oil paint. This year, I intend to paint clouds, maybe skies. I visited Scotland a little while back and I found them beautiful, I had never paid much attention to them before, they were just something in the sky that came and went. However, in that setting of amazing landscapes and vast openings of sky, it hit me. I cannot stop looking up. I never thought I would be one of them artists that look to the environment around us.

Anyway, I’m getting side tracked – no surprise there – in all honesty, I don’t want people to realise how stupid I am. There I said it.

Next regret, I should have started reading and making notes, and even started, my damned dissertation ages ago. I keep putting it off… I don’t do well at making myself do things unless there’s someone forcing me to do it. I’m unbelievably so easily distracted. I can write 500 words for this blog post, but for my dissertation? Nope. Monday will be fun. We have a meeting about it and I have nothing.

It confuses me a little as to why we even have to write thousands of words. It still sticks in my mind that because I’m a painter, I should write about painting. I wanted to learn about something new, which would’ve probably made me more interested in it and I would have started it. I really just want to paint. It’s my own fault, I could have finished it over the summer, I would then be able to be in the studios all the time and paint to my heart’s content.

On to the next one, I wish I had volunteered to help at The Freudian Sheep gallery; I love that place, it would have been great to get experience of what goes on. Especially seeing as I hope to one day open up my own space like that. I left it too late and someone else did instead and well, I never offered my help… Big mistake!

I went on holiday to the highlands, as you know, but I wish I had gone on more adventures, with family and friends (not that I have many). Just got in the car and went for a drive without a care in the world and see where we ended up, possibly with a sketchbook in hand. Visited museums full of bones and galleries that go against the white space norm. Drunk tea in cafes and talked about ideas or plans for the future. None of this happened… Maybe another time… As I write that, inside I know it will never happen.

There’s also the ‘I should have made more art work’ regret  and sketchbook work, writing down ideas and sketches. Which I have never been good at whilst at home, I don’t really have the space to do what I want and maybe an easel would help (AND I’m just very lazy).

Plus, I really should have stayed up to date with my blogging. There are about 8 blog posts that I haven’t written of things I made and did… Maybe I’ll get back into it…

Whoa – made it to 800 ish words – congratulations if you managed to read this far! I hope it made sense…

The photo is of fields back home, just look at that sky!